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| CANCER SURVIVOR'S STORY! #2 "Looking Up" "Looking Up" by Linda L. Abreu Copyright November, 1993 In my story, "A Moment in Time," I told about being diagnosed with cancer. I was young and had my whole life ahead of me, but in a matter of moments I had a death sentence thrust upon me. How does it feel to be faced with death? It definitely takes the experience of going through the "shadow of death" to know the feelings someone faces with such a verdict. The experts say that people who face grief, loss or terminal illness often go through certain phases: denial, fear, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Each is a normal and healthy reaction of a person going through such trauma in order to adjust. For myself, I experienced fear and depression. And later, I was able to accept my disease and I learned to be thankful for each day. I did not experience some of the other stages such as denial, anger, and bargaining, even those these are common phases for a person to go through. The disease that raged in my body, destroying every cell it could grasp, was sucking my life from me. Life that I had taken for granted was now flashing before my eyes. The future looked grim and I was helpless to do anything about it. Fear clutched my soul. A dying friend once said to me, "It isn't death that I'm afraid of, but the proces of it." For me, it wasn't the fear of pain or what I had to go through, but rather fear of death itself. It seemed so dark, cold, and final. Death was the ultimate fear for me and this was a burden I did not want to experience. There were also other fears: fear of the unknown, fear of the future, fear of not being able to raise my son. After expressing my fears to a friend, she said, "God relates to our struggles no matter what we feel - fear, pain, sadness, or happiness. God loves us just the same and invites us to talk and walk with Him." But it wasn't until I read Psalms 142:1-3 that I learned to give over my fears to the Lord. "I cry out to the Lord with my voice, . . . I pour out my complaint before Him; I declare before Him my trouble. When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, then You knew my pain." Depression was another emotion which I had to deal with. The reality of my condition did not hit me until a few months later when I was reading an article about a young boy who, after a long struggle with leukemia, died. It struck me hard. I went into uncontrollable sobs and immense shaking. For some time after that I experienced unexpected outburts and tears flowed freely. I wondered if I would ever see my little son grow up. Many a day and night I cried. God saw my tears and gradually I overcame the depression. There were times of discouragement, but I always clung to the promises of the Lord and firmly believed He was with me. Through the strength of God I learned to let go and accept the future, leaving it all in His hands. In the place of fear and depression I was filled with the peace of God. The stages which a person goes through during grief, loss, or illness can - and should - be a learning process. It's not what happens to us that counts; it is how we react to what happens. Learning from our sufferings, we can become better, stronger people. But if we allow anger and and bitterness to take over, it will only cause unhappiness. It's healthy to experience these emotions as long as we take each step and go to the next until we begin to accept the reality of the situation. As for me, I went beyond, learning both to be thankful for my experiences and to love and trust God. Through affliction God drew me to Him. He is personally involved in our lives, especially when we are suffering. God permits every circumstance of our lives for a reason. Through it, He intends to bring about His perfect plan for us. It took the battle with cancer for me to see the important priorites in life. It was a long, painful journey, but with God's love, patience, understanding, and miracles, I made it to see my son grow into a young man. Also, six years after the diagnosis, God blessed me with a daughter also. [Note: If you haven't already read Linda Abreu's true story, "A Moment in Time," and would like to do so, please click "PLEASE READ THIS!#1" on the navigation bar on the 'Welcome, Friends' Home Page. There is also a current picture of Linda accompanying her story on that page, as well as a link where you can send her an e-mail message if you would like.] Update: It is 2007, 32 years later, and the author of this true story, Linda L. Abreu, is alive, well, and cancer-free. Praise the Lord! For your interest, there is a December, 2006, photograph of Linda and her son and daughter under the "Linda Abreu Family" link on the Navigation bar at left; take a look.] |
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